VM page 38

And the next page of VM is up. On time. Yes, I hate being tardy. Hate, hate, hate. I'm one of those people that is usually perptually on time, though I have gotten a little lax on it lately, I don't like putting up work late. I wouldn't be so tardy if time would just work with me. Now, if I could make time stop, or bend it to my will, I would then be able to do more work. Or if I didn't have a full time job. I have fantasies where I just "stop" working so I can draw and goof off all day. Unfortunately, I like things (I have a mind like a raven-when I see something shiny, I want it), so I can't quite quit the day job just yet. Ahhh! Darn capitalistic society that makes me think I need things I don't!

And of course-if you can't tell (*ahem*), I have a fascination with the roles of life and death and general existence. I am fascinated that I am who I am at this point of time. And the idea of the "me-ness" that makes me the person that I am, well, how much of that is attributed to how I was raised and treated? If I were raised in a more religious household, would the me that I am be different? I'm sure. But then-how much of me is what has been trained into me, and how much of me is actually me? How much are we a product of our upbringing, and how much has to do with our own inner desires and personality? and of course-the eternal question of death. I do think it's interesting that we can sit and think about the possibilities of what happens to us afterwards. It's the one thing we cannot predict. We cannot see it, it isn't a tangible thing. All we know is that we are a product that is created for a time and then we end. But then, to think about the possibilities of what it takes to exist as I am now, as you are now, are quite fascinating. The mathematic probability of individual existence is mind boggling. To think that in order for me to exist as I am, my parents had to live to a healthy enough age to meet at a time and have me. Their parents as well. And their parents as well, and so on. For me, not being a religious sort, the concept of the "me" is what makes being human so fascinating. But, then isn't it also a curse to think about possibilities? The idea that one day my mind will go, my body will go, that it's all a product of the time we are allotted, that can be very disconcerting. The whole idea of time and age are fascinating, and scary. Hence I understand the need for an afterlife of some sort. The human world revolves around the concept that if death comes quickly, or not quickly enough, there is a path of existence beyond our bodies now. There is redemption or punishment. There is rebirth or enlightenment. Is there an afterlife? Who knows. Is there a soul? Perhaps. But to strive to understand and find those answers, or to avoid or fear the future, we won't know the answer until we die. Even then, there's no guarantee. And then, maybe 200 years from now, we will be that age that people look upon as we do upon the past, and they will wonder, how did people live like that? How did they think like that? Those silly people, if only they knew what we know now...